On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
