Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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