It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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