when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
