My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Buhtt sex?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
