1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
