Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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