Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
