she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
