I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
