I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
