Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
