i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize