Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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