He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
