Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
