He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
