He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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