I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
