Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
