strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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