I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
