so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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