Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
