If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
