Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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