Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
