I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
false alarm, still single
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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