Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
