Can i not drive my cunt home
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
