she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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