definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
