Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
