What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
