Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
