It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
