To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
