Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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