I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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