we have officially lost it.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
