you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
