it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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