You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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