Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dicks are not precious.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
