Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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