you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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