A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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