He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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