Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
