so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she told me i tasted like america
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are the jesus of drinking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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