He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
