the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
