Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
