he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
