none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
