It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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