I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
