I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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