I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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