i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dicks are not precious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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