thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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