It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
