idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
