Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
