when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
